Mental Struggles

Some days are just - hard.

Today is one of those days, and it's not even so much about me and my predictament (although that, and a lack of sleep due to that, are NOT helping), but more about "life" in general.

I got news over the weekend that I was the person chosen for the private room/suite I had looked at last week, and while that was great news, it also involves a fair bit of stress. First off, I've got to come up with the money for a deposit and move....until I have that approval, I'm stuck in a waiting zone. Due to still playing catch up from the divorce (and not always making the "wisest" financial choices) I'm worried about getting approved for the loan I requested. Yes, I requested a little more than I think I'll need, and I do have collateral in the form of my motorcycle, but it's not promised. I'm not worried about the payments since my new rent will be saving me about $300/month, but I still need that approval!

So there's that stress, PLUS the stress of looking at trying to move in the next month. Additionally, I've still got my trip to Italy to plan for and looming about the time I'd be fully moved (if that happens). Add in the stress of my own issues and the whole leg mess.

And to top it off, today Nicky Hayden #69, an American motorcycle rider passed from injuries sustained in a bicycle accident. Not racing, not doing anything crazy, just riding his bicycle on a road.

Life is so short. We are never promised tomorrow, we have no guarantees of next week. Not everyone enjoys "dangerous" things, but I think things like this hit home with use who do even more. We are in a sport where things like a boring 6mph crash can have devastating consequences, but life still has a way of trumping even that. I think people find it easy to ignore this possibility. When we "live dangerously" we know we are taking risks. We are aware that life is fragile. But seeing how fragile it is even when not doing "dangerous" things tends to hit a little deeper, especially when that person was so well liked and admired.

I'm finding that his death is hitting me harder than I imagined it would. I think a big part of it is because of how he was injured. When someone is injured or dies while racing, it's tragic to be sure, but we know it can happen. Something like this, however, just slaps you across the face with how things can be taken away in a moment.

All of this combined is making it difficult for me to process right now....