UGH. That is all I've got to say about this. This week marked 5 months since I broke this leg....and there's still no end in sight for dealing with the drama. The only saving grace at this point is that I've been able to get back on the bikes, which is, literally, keeping me sane right now. Anytime I spend too much time thinking about or researching my condition and I just want to put my head between my legs and scream, cry, and I can feel the depression that is just waiting for an opportunity to rise up.
As for where I'm at right now - if you were to ask me how I feel, not considering any research or anything else I've done, and I'd tell you that I'm feeling pretty damn good. I've felt pretty good energy-wise, my leg pain is getting pretty minimal, and walking is getting pretty decent again the past couple days.
Ask me how I feel overall, and it's a far more dismal outlook. Research and studies on treating these infections has me absolutely terrified of my appointment with infectious diseases that is scheduled for Monday. I mean, flat out terrified. As in, if I wasn't worried about the possibility of losing the leg if things got crazy, I wouldn't be going. If they decide to treat with IV antibiotics, there are these things called a PICC line they put in - god damn, I thought I was scared of doctors and needles before...reading up on these has me in near panic mode. I have no idea how on god's green earth I'd live with one - I live alone, I have no one that close, and I live with cats. Trying to keep THAT from getting infected, in addition to my leg - FML upside down.
I hear almost no good stories about these things - some that are "okay, I survived it" but no good stories. Seems studies with kids are showing little to no difference between IV and oral antibiotics, but I can't seem to find much on adults. It's going to be 2 1/2 weeks post-op already, so seems like we've already passed the usual "IV" window, at least the common one anyways.
Finding out the particular bacteria involved isn't helping either - it's an unusual (not unheard of, but not common) one more commonly seen in UTI. Apparently an "opportunistic" bug that is gram-negative and can be tough to treat. It is one that naturally lives in our GI tract, which makes me wonder if I got it from my elderly cat before I had to have him put down - while I tried to keep everything clean, if he was getting sick before the very end, who knows, it's a pretty easy bug to get.
Right now I'm feeling a bit bi-polar. When I'm not thinking too much about it, I feel pretty good. My pain levels are low enough (or non-existent), and I feel pretty good. As soon as I spend much time thinking about what all of this may entail - well, life starts looking really bleak. Part of me is of the feeling to just yank the hardware now and I'll go back to being on crutches for a month and be done with it. But I don't know if it would only be a month - or if we'd be looking at months. I'm literally sick to my stomach sitting here writing this. I just spent the past hour or so reading up on some of this stuff (again) and I don't see much positive out there.
So much for being healthy and taking care of yourself making a hill of beans difference....
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