Warning: VENT about to commence.
When you're dealing with a broken leg, everyone around you will tell you how you should keep your hopes up; how things will be fine; how it's all going to work out. The reality is that they are almost never there to actually help make that your reality. There is an outpouring of offers of help at the beginning - after a few months, it's like pulling teeth to get help when you NEED it, none the less when it would be nice to have. Even though not a single damn thing has changed about your ability to deal with things, other people get tired of putting up with it and basically get a "fuck you, we don't give a shit anymore" attitude.
Sure, you've stuck with it. You've dealt with it and done all you can to try to get through it as fast as possible. You even let yourself get your hopes up despite knowing it was stupid, but everyone constantly telling you that you need to be "happy" and you gave in and got a little hopeful. If you get hopeful, YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT. What you should have done was just accept that your life is over indefinitely, and don't bother with hoping or planning on anything until you've been told otherwise. If you get hopeful, you're only setting yourself up to get bitch slapped with reality and to find out that you can now try to face the reality of everyone else having expired their ability and willingness to help. You should have planned on that being the case, not on things maybe being okay - because they won't be.
Plan on the worst case scenario. Do not for one second think things might be better, or that you'll be the exception. If they are better, that's awesome, but if they aren't, at least you won't have to deal with yet ANOTHER let down. This is going to suck bad enough without constantly getting slapped with the reality that all of your hard work meant absolutely nothing and 57-year-old couch potatoes can heal just as fast eating their bonbons being fat and lazy.
So this is the reality of my world. My doctor had made it sound like I might get released for weight bearing. Being one of the fucking idiots mentioned above, I managed to convince myself that that "maybe" was more like a "probably" and got hopeful. I got hopeful that maybe my shot at a championship could still happen. I got hopeful that my vehicle and commute issues, which were about to come to a head, wouldn't be a problem. I got hopeful that I'd be able to start working on the next steps of my recovery.
Instead, I got the call that none of that was true or going to happen. There wasn't enough calcification for him to feel like weight bearing was a good idea. A minimum of another two weeks, at which point we'd take new x-rays and look again. And things may not be that great even then, so don't count on anything (okay, I added that last part, because IT'S TRUE).
This means I have to try to find someone willing to trade vehicles with me yet again since the owner of the truck I've been using needs it back. This means I have no idea how the fuck I'm going to get to work - they can't keep covering my Lyft, I can't afford that shit, and since I can't step on that leg, I can't navigate escalators without a huge fall risk.
Therefore, doctor's orders or not, good idea or not, it looks like I'm going to be trying to get back onto the bike and carrying the crutches with me. I have no other reasonable options. I'm out of options at this point. No one has sympathies after 3 fucking months - it doesn't matter what your situation is, the reality is that NO ONE GIVES A REAL FUCK. You're on your own, so you best figure it out, doctor's ordered be damned.
Oh, and those hopes of doing something fun, maybe actually doing what you love doing? Ya, put all that on indefinite hold again, too. What idiot thinks it's a good idea to believe it could happen by a certain date? Hell, it might be silly to think it'll ever happen again....there are no promises of it at this point, so be careful of hoping for something that may never happen.
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