Well, the hole in my leg from the sore is looking better - it's now just a tad bigger than the end of a pencil eraser - from being about the size of a nickel the last time I had a good look at it before the strips were put over it. The skin around it is looking pretty healthy, too, like good healing skin. Hoping all of that is a good sign that it'll close up sooner rather than later.
In the meantime, I've taken "moving the leg a bit" to a full on PT type schedule. At least twice a day I go through a full routine of ankle PT exercises I've found, and once a day I'm going down and getting on my bike and just getting into position and practicing shifting. It took a couple/few days before I could downshift (pulling up on the shift lever since my bike is set up for "GP" shift), but the last few days I've been able to do it as long as I get the ball joint under the lever. My toes aren't quite strong enough to do it on their own yet. The muscle memory sitting on the bike is good, too - it's easy to try to move my ankle into positions due to simple trained muscle memory. I also have been "walking" with my crutches - zero weight still (not going to fuck around with that just yet until cleared to do so), but just making my leg go through the motions while still fully supporting myself on the crutches. I've been able to come pretty close to a straight leg standing position, and while my knee is going to give me issues due to losing a lot of its supporting muscles, at least I'm seeing some progress.
Range of Motion (ROM) has been slow going. The first couple days there was a lot of improvement compared to where it had been, but now it's slower going. One of the surprising issues has been the ball joint where the fixator pin was - that has actually been causing nearly as many issues as the ankle! It literally felt like I was rehabbing a smashed ball joint (I know, because, been there, done that). Again, it's improving, but damn that thing hurt more than I expected!
Otherwise I'm WANTING to get out more. While the leg still swells when it's down for long, it goes away a lot faster now. I can regularly get up during the day and do some stuff (housecleaning, yard work, whatever) and once I can re-elevate, the swelling goes down very quickly. I don't think it's swelling as bad anymore, either. I started taking the boot off at night a couple nights ago. Sleeping with that thing was a nightmare. I don't have kids or another person who may "accidentally" jump on it - the heaviest other living thing in my house is my fattest cat, who MAYBE weighs 14 pounds...which, by this point, if a 14 pound cat is enough to screw things up, my problems are way bigger than that!
It's felt good to sleep normal again. That first night was the best sleep I've had in nearly two months. Last night wasn't as great, but a strange nightmare partway through the night didn't help matters LOL.
Life is still a PITA. The thought of going to a grocery store is still a combination of intimidating and disheartening. Other than going with my friend to Trader Joes, I've yet to go to a real grocery store. I've had a couple deliveries, but not gone in myself. Thank goodness for delivery at least! For the most part it's nice to take the leg out of the boot, but I'm wearing out the velcro already. The boot is nice when I want the leg supported and to feel safer, but it's heavy and hot the rest of the time.
Mentally still struggling, but at least with the PT I feel like I have SOME kind of control over something, which is a little helpful.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Monday, January 23, 2017
Time Drags On
So, last week I decided (after copious amounts of research) that I was not going to take treating the ex-fracture-blister-now-sore MY way rather than just going with the doctor's directions of "clean and dry."
I knew how I had previously treated other bad wounds, but since this was a surgical incision, I thought there may be some special circumstances involved, so I started reading. After going through a number of medical and scientific studies, journals, and stories, I came to the conclusion that some of my previous knowledge was spot on - primarily, that wounds (yes, even surgical wounds) heal best in a moist environment. What was different was how to keep it moist and bacterial free. Historically on surface wounds (even bad ones) I had just used neosporin or similar. Apparently, however, this can cause contact dermatitis, especially in surgical wounds. Petroleum jelly was a recommended moistener, but it had no antibacterial properties. This led me to finding makura honey, and I did some more reading on that. It seemed like it was exactly what i wanted - something that would keep this (very dangerous) wound moist, while also providing antibacterial properties.
I headed to CVS on Tuesday and bought everything I needed, they even had the honey there. I started treating it on Tuesday night. At that time, the wound was still weeping significantly, and I felt like no progress was being made. Since the PA had put steri-strips over the entire thing, I couldn't see it very well, which didn't please me since it made it hard to see if anything was going on! I started with the honey anyways, and continued with twice a day dressing changes.
It's not even been a week, and there is a HUGE difference in the wound. It looks as healthy as an open sore like that can, and looks like it's finally trying to heal over. I think it's also looking a lot smaller, but that's hard to say due to the steristrips covering it (recently I took a couple off so I could keep an eye on the wound better since the incision line was looking pretty good). I'm feeling better about this thing finally healing, but it's a good sized wound (and full depth) so I know it's going to take a couple/few weeks to fully heal, but it's looking clean and healthy now.
Other than that, we had our annual awards banquet the other night. I felt great as far as how I looked (despite the leg) especially since I have lost nearly 30 pounds since my first banquet two years ago.
Other than that evening, however, I'm still struggling with the mental side. I'm trying to get more active again, and tell my pouting self "too bad, housework no longer counts" - but dammit, housework is WORK now :( I just want a day off of dealing with the broken leg. One day of "normal."
I've talked to a few friends who've had similar injuries - neither of them have happy stories to tell. Sure, they both are walking and active, but they suffer from on going problems in that ankle. A couple of them will never run again, although if you met them in a normal environment I doubt you'd realize anything was wrong...only thing is in both of those cases their breaks were definitely still worse than mine - despite how bad mine still is.
I'm trying to move the ankle a little bit every time I have it out of the boot, in addition to trying to straighten my knee out - an unexpected (but not surprising) side effect. I've had shitty knees most of my life. The other day I tried to fully straighten it when I had the foot out of the boot, and was met with a knee that had no intention of doing that. So, back to fighting knee, too.
Ugh. this is old by this point, but despite the suck, it's about time to "embrace the suck" and deal with it anyways...
I knew how I had previously treated other bad wounds, but since this was a surgical incision, I thought there may be some special circumstances involved, so I started reading. After going through a number of medical and scientific studies, journals, and stories, I came to the conclusion that some of my previous knowledge was spot on - primarily, that wounds (yes, even surgical wounds) heal best in a moist environment. What was different was how to keep it moist and bacterial free. Historically on surface wounds (even bad ones) I had just used neosporin or similar. Apparently, however, this can cause contact dermatitis, especially in surgical wounds. Petroleum jelly was a recommended moistener, but it had no antibacterial properties. This led me to finding makura honey, and I did some more reading on that. It seemed like it was exactly what i wanted - something that would keep this (very dangerous) wound moist, while also providing antibacterial properties.
I headed to CVS on Tuesday and bought everything I needed, they even had the honey there. I started treating it on Tuesday night. At that time, the wound was still weeping significantly, and I felt like no progress was being made. Since the PA had put steri-strips over the entire thing, I couldn't see it very well, which didn't please me since it made it hard to see if anything was going on! I started with the honey anyways, and continued with twice a day dressing changes.
It's not even been a week, and there is a HUGE difference in the wound. It looks as healthy as an open sore like that can, and looks like it's finally trying to heal over. I think it's also looking a lot smaller, but that's hard to say due to the steristrips covering it (recently I took a couple off so I could keep an eye on the wound better since the incision line was looking pretty good). I'm feeling better about this thing finally healing, but it's a good sized wound (and full depth) so I know it's going to take a couple/few weeks to fully heal, but it's looking clean and healthy now.
Other than that, we had our annual awards banquet the other night. I felt great as far as how I looked (despite the leg) especially since I have lost nearly 30 pounds since my first banquet two years ago.
I've talked to a few friends who've had similar injuries - neither of them have happy stories to tell. Sure, they both are walking and active, but they suffer from on going problems in that ankle. A couple of them will never run again, although if you met them in a normal environment I doubt you'd realize anything was wrong...only thing is in both of those cases their breaks were definitely still worse than mine - despite how bad mine still is.
I'm trying to move the ankle a little bit every time I have it out of the boot, in addition to trying to straighten my knee out - an unexpected (but not surprising) side effect. I've had shitty knees most of my life. The other day I tried to fully straighten it when I had the foot out of the boot, and was met with a knee that had no intention of doing that. So, back to fighting knee, too.
Ugh. this is old by this point, but despite the suck, it's about time to "embrace the suck" and deal with it anyways...
Monday, January 16, 2017
Some Days....
I don't think I'd be doing anyone reading a favor by acting like any of this is fun, or that I'm getting through my weeks with a smile. In fact, there are days it's beyond my power to not end up in tears over - well, nothing. Nothing more than the disheartening realization that a month and a half into things, and all you can say is that *hopefully* you're done with surgeries. At least for now. All of that being overshadowed by other things such as the simple fact that you still have a huge, weepy sore on the inside of your ankle that you are just *hoping* it doesn't get infected.
There are days all of it just gets to be too much. Days when you just can't deal with the fact that you can't even straighten your leg out with your foot flat on the ground - none the less think about actually *gasp* walking again. Days when the cool weather keeps the house chilled despite cranking up the heater and that chill is just that straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back. There are days when you will be tired and worn out and there's no good reason for it. You slept well, you didn't do much the day before, yet you're just beat and you have no idea why.
Usually I'm pretty good about listening to my body, but there are even days when that gets frustrating. Your body is telling you it's tired, but you know darn well it shouldn't be, there's shit that's got to get done, and you're at a war with getting stuff done and listening. But is your body only griping because it's getting lazy, or is it truly tired? There comes a point it gets really hard to tell. Do I want to keep things iced, elevated, and braced, or am I just avoiding the discomfort of letting things move and breath a bit?
Unfortunately, for some reason, today is proving to be one of 'those days' for me. There's not a good reason for it. Yes, I probably over did things a bit on Saturday, but I did basically nothing all day Sunday. I slept well last night, and got a good rest. But I was worn out this morning despite all of that. My usual shower routine took more out of me than it has in weeks, and I have no idea why. I'm sick of this sore looming over me - why the hell won't it just heal?!? I want to move my ankle a little, let it stretch a tiny little bit, but that stupid sore has me terrified of taking my boot off any more than I absolutely have to. Other than watching for obvious signs of infection, and to "keep it dry" I've basically not had any direction on caring for it - and this is not how I would normally treat a wound like that. I've had good results (and plenty of practice) treating other (fairly bad) skin wounds, but this thing is just being stubborn - but also isn't getting treated the way I would do it. But I don't want to cause other issues by NOT following the directions I was given....
Ugh. So, ya, some days pretty much suck.
There are days all of it just gets to be too much. Days when you just can't deal with the fact that you can't even straighten your leg out with your foot flat on the ground - none the less think about actually *gasp* walking again. Days when the cool weather keeps the house chilled despite cranking up the heater and that chill is just that straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back. There are days when you will be tired and worn out and there's no good reason for it. You slept well, you didn't do much the day before, yet you're just beat and you have no idea why.
Usually I'm pretty good about listening to my body, but there are even days when that gets frustrating. Your body is telling you it's tired, but you know darn well it shouldn't be, there's shit that's got to get done, and you're at a war with getting stuff done and listening. But is your body only griping because it's getting lazy, or is it truly tired? There comes a point it gets really hard to tell. Do I want to keep things iced, elevated, and braced, or am I just avoiding the discomfort of letting things move and breath a bit?
Unfortunately, for some reason, today is proving to be one of 'those days' for me. There's not a good reason for it. Yes, I probably over did things a bit on Saturday, but I did basically nothing all day Sunday. I slept well last night, and got a good rest. But I was worn out this morning despite all of that. My usual shower routine took more out of me than it has in weeks, and I have no idea why. I'm sick of this sore looming over me - why the hell won't it just heal?!? I want to move my ankle a little, let it stretch a tiny little bit, but that stupid sore has me terrified of taking my boot off any more than I absolutely have to. Other than watching for obvious signs of infection, and to "keep it dry" I've basically not had any direction on caring for it - and this is not how I would normally treat a wound like that. I've had good results (and plenty of practice) treating other (fairly bad) skin wounds, but this thing is just being stubborn - but also isn't getting treated the way I would do it. But I don't want to cause other issues by NOT following the directions I was given....
Ugh. So, ya, some days pretty much suck.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Next Steps - sort of literally
Yesterday had the next visit to re-examine my sutures. She thought they were ready to come out, so, got that all done. They decided to put me in a boot instead of the splint, so got that fitted as best they could (ankle was still swollen and pretty stiff, it had been splinted slightly pointed).
Not sure how I feel about the boot just yet. On the one hand, I can take my leg out of it, itch, scrub, and clean it, which is nice. On the other hand, it's big and kind of awkward and kind of heavy - so not appreciating those aspects. : | I was able to sleep in it pretty well though, so that was good. Also have been able to back off the pain meds a little more, so that's been pretty nice too.
My iWalk 2.0 showed up today, so got that assembled and gave it a try. The first try didn't go so great - it hurt on my leg, and I wasn't feeling too sturdy on it. Decided my leg had been through enough lately, so took a break with intentions of mucking with it another day. After a couple hours, however, I was feeling better so decided to try it again. I adjusted the padding some more to see if that would help (the boot makes getting the padding right more complicated). That made a big difference and it was way easier to use. Figured distracting myself would help a bit, so used it to vacuum the house. By the time I was done, I was feeling pretty good on it. Even finished up by filling and carrying the ice cube trays to the freezer without spilling :laughing
It's still going to take some getting used to, but I'm HOPING I can use it to walk from the ferry building to my office which will save me a fair bit of money. It will also make my part time job (which I plan on going back to next month) a LOT easier.
Still have to make sure my ex-fracture-blister-now-sore heals and doesn't get infected. That's still a big concern, so still having to keep the leg dry until that is healed up - but I can scrub pretty much everywhere else now, so my foot got a good (and needed) scrub this morning.
Now to build up my endurance on the iWalk so I can use it to get to work - if it works for that, it'll pay for itself pretty quickly.
Not sure how I feel about the boot just yet. On the one hand, I can take my leg out of it, itch, scrub, and clean it, which is nice. On the other hand, it's big and kind of awkward and kind of heavy - so not appreciating those aspects. : | I was able to sleep in it pretty well though, so that was good. Also have been able to back off the pain meds a little more, so that's been pretty nice too.
My iWalk 2.0 showed up today, so got that assembled and gave it a try. The first try didn't go so great - it hurt on my leg, and I wasn't feeling too sturdy on it. Decided my leg had been through enough lately, so took a break with intentions of mucking with it another day. After a couple hours, however, I was feeling better so decided to try it again. I adjusted the padding some more to see if that would help (the boot makes getting the padding right more complicated). That made a big difference and it was way easier to use. Figured distracting myself would help a bit, so used it to vacuum the house. By the time I was done, I was feeling pretty good on it. Even finished up by filling and carrying the ice cube trays to the freezer without spilling :laughing
It's still going to take some getting used to, but I'm HOPING I can use it to walk from the ferry building to my office which will save me a fair bit of money. It will also make my part time job (which I plan on going back to next month) a LOT easier.
Still have to make sure my ex-fracture-blister-now-sore heals and doesn't get infected. That's still a big concern, so still having to keep the leg dry until that is healed up - but I can scrub pretty much everywhere else now, so my foot got a good (and needed) scrub this morning.
Now to build up my endurance on the iWalk so I can use it to get to work - if it works for that, it'll pay for itself pretty quickly.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Post-op #1, 1 1/2 weeks post surgery #2
I had my first official post-op follow up this past Wednesday. The ortho said my x-rays looked great, and while he's still very concerned about the sore (that was the fracture blister) healing without getting infected, otherwise he seemed fine with current progress. Once my incisions are all healed and the sutures are removed, I will begin non-weight bearing PT, so probably in the next week or so that will get started. Try to get motion back into the ankle joint before too much stiffness and scar tissue has time to settle in.
This was my first time seeing my leg since the surgeries have been done. It's pretty knarly, definitely a Frankenstein leg now. There will be some beautiful scars at the end of it - I guess at least "dirt biking" sounds cooler than "tripping over a curb," even if it was the least spectacular crash ever.
Of course, I was so wrapped up in looking at my leg and trying to figure out everything I could do to help it along that I totally forgot to ask all of the questions I had - I have to head back in for a follow up on the sutures today, but that's not with the ortho so I will probably go ahead and send a message over the online tool.
I went ahead and ordered myself an iWalk 2.0. As long as the doc is okay with me using it, I'm HOPING it's all it's cracked up to be and I can maybe get back to a slightly more normal life. If that will allow me to grocery shop (getting stuff up the stairs would still be a challenge however), and if it's easy enough to walk on without pain, then I could hopefully make better use of the ferry for work and could then walk (rather than relying on Lyft) to get to my office. The 1-mile hike is a bit too much on crutches, but I'm thinking the iWalk it might be okay. Plus, hopefully, it will just allow easier and more movement in my life - which I need right now.
Other than that, my next appointment with the doc isn't until Feb 8th, 4 weeks out. I'm guessing at that time he'll assess whether the bones are healing well enough to begin light weight bearing PT and/or what the prospective schedule for that might be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all the things I'm doing will put me closer to the best case instead of worst case scenario. We shall see in 4 weeks.
In the meantime, that stupid blister-sore is still the most painful thing. If I can get that to feel better, than the pain is pretty minimal, but damn that thing hurts. Apparently that is the type of pain I don't deal with very well! Still going to keep on keeping on and doing what I can as my energy and leg allows to get the best case scenario I can!
This was my first time seeing my leg since the surgeries have been done. It's pretty knarly, definitely a Frankenstein leg now. There will be some beautiful scars at the end of it - I guess at least "dirt biking" sounds cooler than "tripping over a curb," even if it was the least spectacular crash ever.
Of course, I was so wrapped up in looking at my leg and trying to figure out everything I could do to help it along that I totally forgot to ask all of the questions I had - I have to head back in for a follow up on the sutures today, but that's not with the ortho so I will probably go ahead and send a message over the online tool.
I went ahead and ordered myself an iWalk 2.0. As long as the doc is okay with me using it, I'm HOPING it's all it's cracked up to be and I can maybe get back to a slightly more normal life. If that will allow me to grocery shop (getting stuff up the stairs would still be a challenge however), and if it's easy enough to walk on without pain, then I could hopefully make better use of the ferry for work and could then walk (rather than relying on Lyft) to get to my office. The 1-mile hike is a bit too much on crutches, but I'm thinking the iWalk it might be okay. Plus, hopefully, it will just allow easier and more movement in my life - which I need right now.
Other than that, my next appointment with the doc isn't until Feb 8th, 4 weeks out. I'm guessing at that time he'll assess whether the bones are healing well enough to begin light weight bearing PT and/or what the prospective schedule for that might be. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all the things I'm doing will put me closer to the best case instead of worst case scenario. We shall see in 4 weeks.
In the meantime, that stupid blister-sore is still the most painful thing. If I can get that to feel better, than the pain is pretty minimal, but damn that thing hurts. Apparently that is the type of pain I don't deal with very well! Still going to keep on keeping on and doing what I can as my energy and leg allows to get the best case scenario I can!
Friday, January 6, 2017
One Week Into Healing
Today is officially one week post what was (hopefully) my last repair surgery. This surgery proved to be a bit more painful at first, but by today is feeling far better. I had to go in to the office on Wednesday, and it ended up being a longer day than planned, and my leg was NOT happy by the time I was home and finally able to relax. Likely I will have to go in today for a bit as well, but it's going to only be for the time I NEED to be there. Thankfully, my boss is pretty supportive of me telecommuting and taking my time to heal - unlike the gal on the client side who seemed to think that, regardless of when surgeries were, one month was all the time I needed before I was in the office "regularly." My boss, however, is far more understanding and supportive, and is fine with me only going in when I need to - and since said client-gal is 100% remote, as far as he's concerned, she doesn't need to know and it's none of her business. Yay for good bosses - but he might just be happy that I'm not using disability, because yes, that would make all of their lives far more complicated.
Other than that, the pain is subsiding, still on meds, but closer to minimum, rather than maximum dosages. I'm still going stir crazy in the house, but trying to plan some social activities each week, even if it's as simple as getting lunch with someone - anything to have someone else to talk to in person besides the cats!
On the other hand, my impatience is rearing up again. I'm sick of sitting, and wondering how much I can begin to do a little more. It's been a week, and I'm going nuts. I just want to see some measurable progress, rather than STILL just sitting here with my leg propped up! At least without the x-brace I can wear clothes again, even including some of my jeans! Yay!
Another silver lining has been the weight loss. For the first time nearly 6 years, I'm less than 10 pounds from my "happy" weight. By happy weight, I mean my goal weight that my body (historically) was happy at. Ideally I'd like to be a few pounds below that, but my body wasn't happy there, so yes, my happy weight.
It's still difficult to do a lot of day-to-day things, and navigating the world is still really difficult. I've been skipping a lot of events because the thought of having to try to navigate the world on crutches is just - disheartening. I've yet to step foot in a grocery store thanks to friends and grocery delivery. Part of me wants to get a little more active. Most of me is wondering how to accomplish that (besides house cleaning LOL), especially since I live alone, not like I could go for a short walk with someone "just in case." I'm in the process of looking into the iWalk device, which I think will make walking life a lot easier, but I need to be sure it will be practical for my day to day use (which involves a lot of moving from sitting to standing). If I need to carry crutches with me everywhere it would kind of defeat the purpose....
Other than that, the pain is subsiding, still on meds, but closer to minimum, rather than maximum dosages. I'm still going stir crazy in the house, but trying to plan some social activities each week, even if it's as simple as getting lunch with someone - anything to have someone else to talk to in person besides the cats!
On the other hand, my impatience is rearing up again. I'm sick of sitting, and wondering how much I can begin to do a little more. It's been a week, and I'm going nuts. I just want to see some measurable progress, rather than STILL just sitting here with my leg propped up! At least without the x-brace I can wear clothes again, even including some of my jeans! Yay!
Another silver lining has been the weight loss. For the first time nearly 6 years, I'm less than 10 pounds from my "happy" weight. By happy weight, I mean my goal weight that my body (historically) was happy at. Ideally I'd like to be a few pounds below that, but my body wasn't happy there, so yes, my happy weight.
It's still difficult to do a lot of day-to-day things, and navigating the world is still really difficult. I've been skipping a lot of events because the thought of having to try to navigate the world on crutches is just - disheartening. I've yet to step foot in a grocery store thanks to friends and grocery delivery. Part of me wants to get a little more active. Most of me is wondering how to accomplish that (besides house cleaning LOL), especially since I live alone, not like I could go for a short walk with someone "just in case." I'm in the process of looking into the iWalk device, which I think will make walking life a lot easier, but I need to be sure it will be practical for my day to day use (which involves a lot of moving from sitting to standing). If I need to carry crutches with me everywhere it would kind of defeat the purpose....
Monday, January 2, 2017
Costs of Living With a Broken Leg
Naturally, with any injury, there are going to be medical costs involved. We kind of expect those. Maybe some prescriptions, and a few incidentals. Breaking a leg, however, finds a whole new level of extra costs that I would never have imagined. And this is still being crutch mobile! Someone who got restricted to a bed or wheel chair, even for a month or two, would have far more difficulties that I can't even begin to compile.
Some of the extra costs came in the forms of having to pay other people to do things for you. Paying extra for grocery delivery versus shopping yourself. Extra taxis or ride shares that you otherwise could have avoided. Needing help with a variety of other chores.
Mind you, I'm naturally pretty independent and stubborn. I'm fit enough where I can muscle my body around quite a bit. People who didn't have those things going for them would be that much more worse off. I've learned to vacuum with crutches. Yesterday I managed to change the sheets on my King bed by myself - and you have to understand, my house is TINY and my room is cramped. Changing sheets is a challenge on good legs, none the less with a broken one (there was a lot of crawling around like an overturned turtle across the bed to get things accomplished). Yard work is the next thing I'm planning on tackling - not sure how well I'll be able to weed whack on crutches, but I don't figure it should be much worse than vacuuming other than the uneven ground.
Back to unforeseen costs. My living room set up was pretty basic - a futon used as the couch, and a long-ish but very narrow end table my grandfather made. That's about all that fit, no room for an extra chair. Needing to keep my leg elevated, however, made this set up more than a little annoying. In order to get my leg high enough, I'd have to scoot down on the futon, putting my back in a rather miserable position. I managed this for the first month, but I lost my tolerance for it yesterday. There was no way I could keep this up for another 2, 3, or 4 or more months, or however long I'm stuck like this.
Money was still an issue. Space is an issue. I started looking through Craigslist, then through LetGo. I found a few that were good maybes on LetGo, one in particular that I felt like would be perfect for my present situation. It was basically two recliners with a middle cubby and cub holders. This would give me and the roommate both a place to sit, without needing to sit uncomfortably close. Reclining would make life FAR more tolerable and it would be a lot easier to keep the leg elevated and not kill my back in the process. The price was reasonable as well. I contacted the seller, found out they were local, and made a counter offer which they accepted.
I found a couple friends plus the roommate to help pick up the couch and get it into the house. I'm typing this out curled up on my "new" couch, and very happy I have it. This was, however, nearly $200 that I otherwise would not have spent if it weren't for the broken leg making my previous set up so difficult to deal with.
Some of the extra costs came in the forms of having to pay other people to do things for you. Paying extra for grocery delivery versus shopping yourself. Extra taxis or ride shares that you otherwise could have avoided. Needing help with a variety of other chores.
Mind you, I'm naturally pretty independent and stubborn. I'm fit enough where I can muscle my body around quite a bit. People who didn't have those things going for them would be that much more worse off. I've learned to vacuum with crutches. Yesterday I managed to change the sheets on my King bed by myself - and you have to understand, my house is TINY and my room is cramped. Changing sheets is a challenge on good legs, none the less with a broken one (there was a lot of crawling around like an overturned turtle across the bed to get things accomplished). Yard work is the next thing I'm planning on tackling - not sure how well I'll be able to weed whack on crutches, but I don't figure it should be much worse than vacuuming other than the uneven ground.
Back to unforeseen costs. My living room set up was pretty basic - a futon used as the couch, and a long-ish but very narrow end table my grandfather made. That's about all that fit, no room for an extra chair. Needing to keep my leg elevated, however, made this set up more than a little annoying. In order to get my leg high enough, I'd have to scoot down on the futon, putting my back in a rather miserable position. I managed this for the first month, but I lost my tolerance for it yesterday. There was no way I could keep this up for another 2, 3, or 4 or more months, or however long I'm stuck like this.
Money was still an issue. Space is an issue. I started looking through Craigslist, then through LetGo. I found a few that were good maybes on LetGo, one in particular that I felt like would be perfect for my present situation. It was basically two recliners with a middle cubby and cub holders. This would give me and the roommate both a place to sit, without needing to sit uncomfortably close. Reclining would make life FAR more tolerable and it would be a lot easier to keep the leg elevated and not kill my back in the process. The price was reasonable as well. I contacted the seller, found out they were local, and made a counter offer which they accepted.
I found a couple friends plus the roommate to help pick up the couch and get it into the house. I'm typing this out curled up on my "new" couch, and very happy I have it. This was, however, nearly $200 that I otherwise would not have spent if it weren't for the broken leg making my previous set up so difficult to deal with.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Truth of Frustration
So, today is New Year's, January 1, 2017. Before breaking my leg nearly a month ago, I had been planning on a weekend long trip with a bunch of my racing friends for this New Year's celebration. I thought, maybe depending on my situation, even with a broken leg I could still go. Having to go through two surgeries, one of them being on the 30th, I knew I wouldn't be going anywhere - the leg would need to stay elevated and that means I'm basically stuck on my back.
The holidays sucked. Not only was I alone, I couldn't even get out and do anything. Christmas I was still sporting the x-brace which had me so scared of potential falls I was doing as little outside the house as I could, and New Year's was the day after my second surgery. I made the mistake of looking at Facebook - and got "assaulted" with photos of most of my friends out having fun, going to parties (including the one I had been planning to go to), hanging out, and ringing in the New Year.
The self-pity/frustration/depression set in. Hard.
It's really the first time since this happened that I really got down about it, but it definitely hit me today. My holiday sucked. I'm barely able to start recovery, and who knows how long before I'm even able to think about walking, none the less doing anything else. There's a good chance it will be MONTHS before I'm even remotely normal, and that may be on a best case scenario. No, it's not life or death, and yes, I'll get better - eventually. Yes, there's someone out there worse off.
That doesn't change my situation.
I made another mistake - rather than my to-date posts of "I've got this, keeping positive, toughing it out, keeping going, etc," I vented. I vented my frustrations at how us "normal" people don't even have access to the same things that professional athletes do. How their recoveries are 4X as fast as ours. How, no matter how good our doctors or PT centers, they don't even have the same equipment, none the less the level of training that pros have access to.
Apparently, I was raining on everyone else's happy day. I got a slew of responses from friends about how I should just be happy, how other people in 3rd world countries are worse off, how people with worse injuries are worse off, etc. WTF. Being told that I should be going through this with a smile on my face.
I'm sorry, No. I don't need to have a fucking smile on my face every day about this situation. I got a bad leg break in a boring, shitty crash that was stupid. Ya, it was just bad luck. But I'm sorry, I don't need to have a smile on just because "it could be worse." Of course it could be worse! That doesn't make my situation better!
One friend messaged me with a little more understanding. Part of what he talked about included a quote: "I was feeling sorry for my self because I had no shoes when I saw a man with no feet. I realized then that I still didn't have any fucking shoes."
Exactly. Just because it could be worse, doesn't mean that my situation is suddenly sunshine and roses. I'm going through this alone. Yes, friends have stepped up here and there to help out, and I can't thank them enough for that. That doesn't mean I'm not mostly going through it alone. And you know what, that sucks. I should be able to vent about it, I don't need to be happy about having my entire winter, which should have been spent preparing for next year, instead being ruined with a "do my best not to lose all the progress I've made thus far."
While my friends have been awesome, they're not obligated to help me. I could really benefit from a reclining couch. I found one on LetGo that is perfect, but no one is exactly stepping up to help. I'm asking - people always say to just ask for help. Problem is, it's really "ask for help when it's convenient for me."
So yes, today I'm frustrated. I'm sick of being stuck in the damn house. I'm tired of everything taking 3x longer. I'm sick of not being able to go two feet from anywhere without it being a process. I'm tired of doing it alone. I'm frustrated by the timeframes involved.
No, none of my frustration is going to stop me from doing my best to set myself up for the best outcome I can, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating! And apparently, according to social media, I'm not allowed to be frustrated. While that normally wouldn't bother me too much, since I'm home bound for the most part, that's my only way to talk to other people right now - and it hurt that I couldn't be frustrated even once. Once in a month of this, looking at many more months, and people jump down my throat for not being "happy" about it.
Fuck you, too.
The holidays sucked. Not only was I alone, I couldn't even get out and do anything. Christmas I was still sporting the x-brace which had me so scared of potential falls I was doing as little outside the house as I could, and New Year's was the day after my second surgery. I made the mistake of looking at Facebook - and got "assaulted" with photos of most of my friends out having fun, going to parties (including the one I had been planning to go to), hanging out, and ringing in the New Year.
The self-pity/frustration/depression set in. Hard.
It's really the first time since this happened that I really got down about it, but it definitely hit me today. My holiday sucked. I'm barely able to start recovery, and who knows how long before I'm even able to think about walking, none the less doing anything else. There's a good chance it will be MONTHS before I'm even remotely normal, and that may be on a best case scenario. No, it's not life or death, and yes, I'll get better - eventually. Yes, there's someone out there worse off.
That doesn't change my situation.
I made another mistake - rather than my to-date posts of "I've got this, keeping positive, toughing it out, keeping going, etc," I vented. I vented my frustrations at how us "normal" people don't even have access to the same things that professional athletes do. How their recoveries are 4X as fast as ours. How, no matter how good our doctors or PT centers, they don't even have the same equipment, none the less the level of training that pros have access to.
Apparently, I was raining on everyone else's happy day. I got a slew of responses from friends about how I should just be happy, how other people in 3rd world countries are worse off, how people with worse injuries are worse off, etc. WTF. Being told that I should be going through this with a smile on my face.
I'm sorry, No. I don't need to have a fucking smile on my face every day about this situation. I got a bad leg break in a boring, shitty crash that was stupid. Ya, it was just bad luck. But I'm sorry, I don't need to have a smile on just because "it could be worse." Of course it could be worse! That doesn't make my situation better!
One friend messaged me with a little more understanding. Part of what he talked about included a quote: "I was feeling sorry for my self because I had no shoes when I saw a man with no feet. I realized then that I still didn't have any fucking shoes."
Exactly. Just because it could be worse, doesn't mean that my situation is suddenly sunshine and roses. I'm going through this alone. Yes, friends have stepped up here and there to help out, and I can't thank them enough for that. That doesn't mean I'm not mostly going through it alone. And you know what, that sucks. I should be able to vent about it, I don't need to be happy about having my entire winter, which should have been spent preparing for next year, instead being ruined with a "do my best not to lose all the progress I've made thus far."
While my friends have been awesome, they're not obligated to help me. I could really benefit from a reclining couch. I found one on LetGo that is perfect, but no one is exactly stepping up to help. I'm asking - people always say to just ask for help. Problem is, it's really "ask for help when it's convenient for me."
So yes, today I'm frustrated. I'm sick of being stuck in the damn house. I'm tired of everything taking 3x longer. I'm sick of not being able to go two feet from anywhere without it being a process. I'm tired of doing it alone. I'm frustrated by the timeframes involved.
No, none of my frustration is going to stop me from doing my best to set myself up for the best outcome I can, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating! And apparently, according to social media, I'm not allowed to be frustrated. While that normally wouldn't bother me too much, since I'm home bound for the most part, that's my only way to talk to other people right now - and it hurt that I couldn't be frustrated even once. Once in a month of this, looking at many more months, and people jump down my throat for not being "happy" about it.
Fuck you, too.
Round 2
After getting my x-brace and fib fix, I had worked through the worst of my mobility issues. My poor foot wasn't happy about being drug into the mess with big pins driven through it to hold my ankle and bones in place until the tibia could be plated, but the swelling slowly receded.
Surgery round two was scheduled for just over 2 weeks after the first one, to give the blisters time to heal over so he could safely plate the tibia. On Friday, December 30th, my friend again, ever so awesomely, drove me to my surgery. This one was being done at the doctor's normal center, a small outpatient center. I voiced my concerns from my previous experience at the hospital to the anesthesiologist, and we discussed it a bit. I was mildly terrified of a repeat, but I also wanted this leg fixed, so told myself to "suck it up, buttercup" and in we went.
The center here was far more relaxed of an environment, quieter and more relaxing. My blood pressure reading was almost normal, which is unusual for me with a bad case of white-coat syndrome since I was kid. Eventually got moved into the surgical room, and again, once the drugs kicked in my memory of things is gone until waking up.
Whatever they did here, my post-op recovery was back to "normal" for me. Upon waking up, however, the leg hurt - a lot. I was still pretty out of it, but despite my usual pain tolerance, I was in tears. The doc allowed a nerve block this time though, so once they did that and it kicked in it helped. I've learned that pain meds aren't the evil devil, so accepted that as well until my friend arrived with my prescribed meds.
The erector set was gone, so that was a good start. From my understanding at this point, he plated the end of the tibia, along with some screws to hold the two ends together. Other than micro pieces, the tibia break was one large break, unlike the fibula which had a couple breaks and one large piece in particular that was extra. His biggest concern still seems to be cartilage damage from the tibia break, so I'm guessing that PT won't be much fun once we get to that point.
I was sent home with a soft cast covering nearly my entire foot to just below my knee. I can barely wiggle my toes in it, but it'll also keep my foot from getting crazy swollen like it did with the x-brace (it swelled so bad I got a couple skin blisters and as it went down my skin got all wrinkly. I didn't think toes could get that big).
This one hurt more, but I was glad to finally be set up to work on healing. It's been nearly a month since the original break, and I'm just now in a position to be on the road to recovery. The timelines have started to wear on me realizing that I'm a full month in and am just able to start on healing. 24 hours later the nerve blocks began to wear off, but thankfully the pain, while worse, wasn't intolerable with my current med regime.
Surgery round two was scheduled for just over 2 weeks after the first one, to give the blisters time to heal over so he could safely plate the tibia. On Friday, December 30th, my friend again, ever so awesomely, drove me to my surgery. This one was being done at the doctor's normal center, a small outpatient center. I voiced my concerns from my previous experience at the hospital to the anesthesiologist, and we discussed it a bit. I was mildly terrified of a repeat, but I also wanted this leg fixed, so told myself to "suck it up, buttercup" and in we went.
The center here was far more relaxed of an environment, quieter and more relaxing. My blood pressure reading was almost normal, which is unusual for me with a bad case of white-coat syndrome since I was kid. Eventually got moved into the surgical room, and again, once the drugs kicked in my memory of things is gone until waking up.
Whatever they did here, my post-op recovery was back to "normal" for me. Upon waking up, however, the leg hurt - a lot. I was still pretty out of it, but despite my usual pain tolerance, I was in tears. The doc allowed a nerve block this time though, so once they did that and it kicked in it helped. I've learned that pain meds aren't the evil devil, so accepted that as well until my friend arrived with my prescribed meds.
The erector set was gone, so that was a good start. From my understanding at this point, he plated the end of the tibia, along with some screws to hold the two ends together. Other than micro pieces, the tibia break was one large break, unlike the fibula which had a couple breaks and one large piece in particular that was extra. His biggest concern still seems to be cartilage damage from the tibia break, so I'm guessing that PT won't be much fun once we get to that point.
I was sent home with a soft cast covering nearly my entire foot to just below my knee. I can barely wiggle my toes in it, but it'll also keep my foot from getting crazy swollen like it did with the x-brace (it swelled so bad I got a couple skin blisters and as it went down my skin got all wrinkly. I didn't think toes could get that big).
This one hurt more, but I was glad to finally be set up to work on healing. It's been nearly a month since the original break, and I'm just now in a position to be on the road to recovery. The timelines have started to wear on me realizing that I'm a full month in and am just able to start on healing. 24 hours later the nerve blocks began to wear off, but thankfully the pain, while worse, wasn't intolerable with my current med regime.
The Reality of Crutches
This is kind of a random post, spread out over time.
When I first got the crutches, there was a learning curve, which was steep, and a little painful. I figured out getting around, but stairs without a railing had left me in screaming pain after nearly falling and ending up putting my bad leg down (this was the day of the initial break, post being sent out of the ER).
Pre-surgery round 1, I was really going through a learning curve. Getting around on crutches and one leg takes time. A LOT of time. Everything from something as simple as feeding my cats or going to the bathroom takes 2-3x longer than normal. I had no idea how to plan around that, and my timing was drastically off for pretty much everything.
I thought I could do public transit to work. My first attempt was taking the ferry along with a short stint on the BART train. Mistake #1 (forgetting to ask for a disabled parking permit) was realized quickly when I found out that I couldn't find a parking spot and ended up at the farthest possible spot from the ferry building, not even in a real spot. Hello parking ticket on top of everything else, but I had promised I'd get in to the office, so it was what it was.
Mistake #2: Not realizing how much work crutching around is. Making my way from the ferry to the BART station didn't seem like a bad idea from my couch. The reality was a totally different situation. That was a long ways to go on crutches. I was, literally, drenched in sweat by the time I got to work. It was a full on gym workout, sweat running into my eyes, soaked shirt, the whole nine yards.
Mistake #3: Attempting to use an escalator. Seems like these are put in for people like me, right? No, no they're not. Getting off wasn't too bad - trying to get onto a moving surface that wasn't going to stop no matter what? That was another story. I tried it. It was scary as hell, and beyond sketchy. I nearly ate shit twice.
Thankfully my new roommate (who was also taking the ferry) generously used one of his write-off-able Lyft rides to get me back to the ferry in the evening, and then gave me a ride back to my truck with his car.
I had to head into the office a couple days later again, and this time I decided to skip the step of the ferry and just try BART, driving to the nearest station. I had learned my lesson about escalators already, so didn't even bother trying that.
Mistake #4: Not realizing how sketchy crutches are on wet floors.
It was raining this day, but on the pavement and cement I had thus far been on, things weren't too bad. I got into the BART station, where mistake #4 bit me, not realizing that the finished brick floors were sketchy as all get out on crutches. Down I went, right in the middle of the station. I kept my leg out of it (thank goodness for martial arts training), but getting up was another challenge. Several people rushed to my rescue, but the embarrassment and humiliation and frustration still factored in. Eventually I got everything settled, took the million and one stairs one at a time to get the train platform (elevator was out of service). For once I didn't feel bad using the disabled seat, but was very nervous about rushing other passengers hitting my leg - some came way to close for comfort.
The train floors were also super slick to crutch legs - and I nearly binned it again getting on the train...thankfully a grab bar was close enough to keep me from going all the way down. At the other end of the station, I again ended up taking the stairs - there was one elevator, at the far end of the station from where I needed to be, nearly 1/4 of a mile away - not worth it with the wet floors. So the equivalent of about 3 flights of stairs, one step at a time was the solution.
After a couple weeks of getting around on crutches and after my big learning mistakes, I started to get past the worst of the learning curve. By the time I went home with my x-brace, I had the worst of that behind me, and a few solutions or work-arounds in place. The x-brace was obnoxiously large and in the way, so it was good I had worked through the crutches before that. Falling with that on, with the gigantic pins sticking out waiting to smash my leg to bits, was a terrifying thought. Patience had to come quick.
I got frustrated a lot. In fact, I still do. Everything takes longer. Something simple, like reaching for a drawer, become a process: set up, get balanced, move one crutch away and lean it somewhere where it won't fall out of reach, balance on one leg, move other crutch out of the way, reach for drawer, open without throwing yourself off balance, grab your item, set it down, reach back down to close drawer, reset crutch #1, grab #2 and get it set, grab item from drawer, and proceed.
All of that for one item. Now turn that into every. single. thing. you. do.
I've learned to do a lot of things on my crutches, just having to adjust to the fact that it takes forever. I've learned to vacuum with crutches, I've learned to hobble short distances with one hand holding an item and still use both crutches to get across the house (pinching one in my arm pit and swinging it a foot or two, take that step, repeat until you reach your destination). My string bag backpacks have become my best friends in hauling things around the house with me like meds or drinks.
There are still some things I can't figure out how I would do them on my own though. Grocery shopping being a big one. Thus far I've gotten by with grocery delivery and another friend who has very generously picked things up for me a couple times now. But, once the newness of my injury wears off, and the help starts to disappear (which already seems to be happening), I'm not sure what I'll do about some things. I can't afford to just pay someone to do those things for me. I guess I'll figure it out when I need to - not much choice. Much like I did the other day, getting that heavy box the delivery guy left at the bottom, instead of the top, into my house. I may have been in tears of frustration by the time I was done, but I did it. When no one else is there, I figure it out - guess that's why I'm not huge on asking for help normally - help isn't always going to be there when you need it, best to learn to do it yourself so you know you can, even if it sucks.
When I first got the crutches, there was a learning curve, which was steep, and a little painful. I figured out getting around, but stairs without a railing had left me in screaming pain after nearly falling and ending up putting my bad leg down (this was the day of the initial break, post being sent out of the ER).
Pre-surgery round 1, I was really going through a learning curve. Getting around on crutches and one leg takes time. A LOT of time. Everything from something as simple as feeding my cats or going to the bathroom takes 2-3x longer than normal. I had no idea how to plan around that, and my timing was drastically off for pretty much everything.
I thought I could do public transit to work. My first attempt was taking the ferry along with a short stint on the BART train. Mistake #1 (forgetting to ask for a disabled parking permit) was realized quickly when I found out that I couldn't find a parking spot and ended up at the farthest possible spot from the ferry building, not even in a real spot. Hello parking ticket on top of everything else, but I had promised I'd get in to the office, so it was what it was.
Mistake #2: Not realizing how much work crutching around is. Making my way from the ferry to the BART station didn't seem like a bad idea from my couch. The reality was a totally different situation. That was a long ways to go on crutches. I was, literally, drenched in sweat by the time I got to work. It was a full on gym workout, sweat running into my eyes, soaked shirt, the whole nine yards.
Mistake #3: Attempting to use an escalator. Seems like these are put in for people like me, right? No, no they're not. Getting off wasn't too bad - trying to get onto a moving surface that wasn't going to stop no matter what? That was another story. I tried it. It was scary as hell, and beyond sketchy. I nearly ate shit twice.
Thankfully my new roommate (who was also taking the ferry) generously used one of his write-off-able Lyft rides to get me back to the ferry in the evening, and then gave me a ride back to my truck with his car.
I had to head into the office a couple days later again, and this time I decided to skip the step of the ferry and just try BART, driving to the nearest station. I had learned my lesson about escalators already, so didn't even bother trying that.
Mistake #4: Not realizing how sketchy crutches are on wet floors.
It was raining this day, but on the pavement and cement I had thus far been on, things weren't too bad. I got into the BART station, where mistake #4 bit me, not realizing that the finished brick floors were sketchy as all get out on crutches. Down I went, right in the middle of the station. I kept my leg out of it (thank goodness for martial arts training), but getting up was another challenge. Several people rushed to my rescue, but the embarrassment and humiliation and frustration still factored in. Eventually I got everything settled, took the million and one stairs one at a time to get the train platform (elevator was out of service). For once I didn't feel bad using the disabled seat, but was very nervous about rushing other passengers hitting my leg - some came way to close for comfort.
The train floors were also super slick to crutch legs - and I nearly binned it again getting on the train...thankfully a grab bar was close enough to keep me from going all the way down. At the other end of the station, I again ended up taking the stairs - there was one elevator, at the far end of the station from where I needed to be, nearly 1/4 of a mile away - not worth it with the wet floors. So the equivalent of about 3 flights of stairs, one step at a time was the solution.
After a couple weeks of getting around on crutches and after my big learning mistakes, I started to get past the worst of the learning curve. By the time I went home with my x-brace, I had the worst of that behind me, and a few solutions or work-arounds in place. The x-brace was obnoxiously large and in the way, so it was good I had worked through the crutches before that. Falling with that on, with the gigantic pins sticking out waiting to smash my leg to bits, was a terrifying thought. Patience had to come quick.
I got frustrated a lot. In fact, I still do. Everything takes longer. Something simple, like reaching for a drawer, become a process: set up, get balanced, move one crutch away and lean it somewhere where it won't fall out of reach, balance on one leg, move other crutch out of the way, reach for drawer, open without throwing yourself off balance, grab your item, set it down, reach back down to close drawer, reset crutch #1, grab #2 and get it set, grab item from drawer, and proceed.
All of that for one item. Now turn that into every. single. thing. you. do.
I've learned to do a lot of things on my crutches, just having to adjust to the fact that it takes forever. I've learned to vacuum with crutches, I've learned to hobble short distances with one hand holding an item and still use both crutches to get across the house (pinching one in my arm pit and swinging it a foot or two, take that step, repeat until you reach your destination). My string bag backpacks have become my best friends in hauling things around the house with me like meds or drinks.
There are still some things I can't figure out how I would do them on my own though. Grocery shopping being a big one. Thus far I've gotten by with grocery delivery and another friend who has very generously picked things up for me a couple times now. But, once the newness of my injury wears off, and the help starts to disappear (which already seems to be happening), I'm not sure what I'll do about some things. I can't afford to just pay someone to do those things for me. I guess I'll figure it out when I need to - not much choice. Much like I did the other day, getting that heavy box the delivery guy left at the bottom, instead of the top, into my house. I may have been in tears of frustration by the time I was done, but I did it. When no one else is there, I figure it out - guess that's why I'm not huge on asking for help normally - help isn't always going to be there when you need it, best to learn to do it yourself so you know you can, even if it sucks.
Round 1
Because of the fracture blister, I knew there was a good chance of ending up with an x-brace (external fixator) after my surgery. I tried to wrap my head around it, imagining waking up to my leg looking like that (I'm a very visual person, so I needed to picture it). This led me to dreaming about waking up to one - which actually helped a lot in making it less scary.
My friend picked me up early, and in we went. The hospital was busy, and crowded. Not the most relaxing environment, but I wanted this process started. I don't remember much once they started the drugs, until I was in recovery. In the past, getting out of surgery hasn't been that big of a deal for me - this time, I was struggling. I was struggling to breath, it felt like my throat was swollen and I couldn't get air very easily. The grogginess was horrible, and I was super nauseous. They still kicked me out, holding my puke bag, and sent me home.
The ortho had plated my fibula and set it to length, and had to install a x-brace to hold everything else in place since the blisters prevented him from accessing the tibia. Since I had mentally prepared myself, it wasn't a shock, and it didn't weigh much, which helped. It was still scary looking, but wasn't bothering me since I had prepared for it being there.
Historically, I wasn't worried about post op - this was the one time I was. My friend had to go, she couldn't stay. My new roommate was still at his old place, but available by phone and only a couple blocks away. No one else seemed available to stay at the house for the night. This was the first time since this happened that I was truly worried about being alone. I felt horrible, and the swollen, sore throat making breathing tough had me a little scared.
But, there was nothing to do about it, so I grabbed my cats (one of which in particular was being rather protective of me) and hoped things would be okay. I got going on my pain meds, and eventually dosed off. Thankfully after a couple hours of sleep and some meds, I was feeling a little better, but I hadn't even had the energy before to update anyone (including family) of my condition....
Luckily things were okay, and by the time evening rolled around, I was feeling mostly okay and not too worried about the night. Now it was time to see what would come next.
My friend picked me up early, and in we went. The hospital was busy, and crowded. Not the most relaxing environment, but I wanted this process started. I don't remember much once they started the drugs, until I was in recovery. In the past, getting out of surgery hasn't been that big of a deal for me - this time, I was struggling. I was struggling to breath, it felt like my throat was swollen and I couldn't get air very easily. The grogginess was horrible, and I was super nauseous. They still kicked me out, holding my puke bag, and sent me home.
The ortho had plated my fibula and set it to length, and had to install a x-brace to hold everything else in place since the blisters prevented him from accessing the tibia. Since I had mentally prepared myself, it wasn't a shock, and it didn't weigh much, which helped. It was still scary looking, but wasn't bothering me since I had prepared for it being there.
Historically, I wasn't worried about post op - this was the one time I was. My friend had to go, she couldn't stay. My new roommate was still at his old place, but available by phone and only a couple blocks away. No one else seemed available to stay at the house for the night. This was the first time since this happened that I was truly worried about being alone. I felt horrible, and the swollen, sore throat making breathing tough had me a little scared.
But, there was nothing to do about it, so I grabbed my cats (one of which in particular was being rather protective of me) and hoped things would be okay. I got going on my pain meds, and eventually dosed off. Thankfully after a couple hours of sleep and some meds, I was feeling a little better, but I hadn't even had the energy before to update anyone (including family) of my condition....
Luckily things were okay, and by the time evening rolled around, I was feeling mostly okay and not too worried about the night. Now it was time to see what would come next.
Outlooks
My Ortho appointment wasn't particularly heartening. He had to re xray the leg, and his reaction to the fact that I had been sent home in a cast wasn't very good. He thought it should have been dealt with right then and there, not sent home for 2 days. Additionally, since it hadn't been dealt with right away, a fracture blister had developed, which was likely going to cause further complications.
He scheduled surgery for the next week, and told me there may be a few different things that would happen. I may end up with an external fixator for starters. I had to look those up - I knew about them, but I hadn't really thought about ever needing one myself. They looked scary. I had to wrap my head around this.
In the meantime, my teammate agreed to swap pick ups with me, so I could use his automatic. Another friend bought pet supplies and came over and helped me with some laundry and a little housework, plus cooked a bunch of lasagna to keep me easily fed for awhile. Things weren't seeming too bad, but surgery was coming up.
Due to some rental equipment not being available, my surgery was going to be delayed. I had two options - delay only one day and have it done at the big hospital, or delay 3 more days and have it done at the doctor's surgery center. I didn't want to delay things any longer than I had to, so opted for the hospital, even though I knew it would cost me more money. Surgery was scheduled for that Wednesday, and I got ready as best I could, taking yet another friend up on her generous offer of hauling me to and from my surgery.
He scheduled surgery for the next week, and told me there may be a few different things that would happen. I may end up with an external fixator for starters. I had to look those up - I knew about them, but I hadn't really thought about ever needing one myself. They looked scary. I had to wrap my head around this.
In the meantime, my teammate agreed to swap pick ups with me, so I could use his automatic. Another friend bought pet supplies and came over and helped me with some laundry and a little housework, plus cooked a bunch of lasagna to keep me easily fed for awhile. Things weren't seeming too bad, but surgery was coming up.
Due to some rental equipment not being available, my surgery was going to be delayed. I had two options - delay only one day and have it done at the big hospital, or delay 3 more days and have it done at the doctor's surgery center. I didn't want to delay things any longer than I had to, so opted for the hospital, even though I knew it would cost me more money. Surgery was scheduled for that Wednesday, and I got ready as best I could, taking yet another friend up on her generous offer of hauling me to and from my surgery.
Homeward Bound
Being that my own vehicle was a stick shift, thankfully a friend was generous enough to go out of his way and drive my truck back to my house while I drove his automatic. Huge thanks for that, because I have no idea how I would have arranged getting my truck home otherwise, none the less myself.
Well, now I was on my own. My house is a tiny 1940's mother-in-law unit above the detached garages of the main house. In other words, my entire living area is on the second floor. My washer and dryer and mail are all in the garage - downstairs. Having a tiny house has it's advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that there's almost always something solid within arms reach, meaning the chances of falling are smaller. It also means maneuvering with crutches is complicated since there's always something for them to catch on, run into, etc.
Thankfully I've got a pretty good pain tolerance, so I was able to manage. My stairs have solid railings, so while it requires a level of patience I haven't had to exercise until now, they are not that big of a deal. Crutches in one hand on one side, railing on the other. Another thankful is that I made fitness a priority earlier this year, so my upper body strength was pretty good, and I could muscle myself around pretty well.
Crutches, however, require patience I wouldn't have imagined. I'm not known for being the most patient person - once I make a decision, I like to act on it. NOW. Crutches don't really allow that. They are a "take one stair at a time and be sure you're set up for the next one before you proceed" kind of deal. I nearly took a few diggers just off of that. I'm learning, and getting better, but the first couple weeks were tough to accept that this was how things were going to be.
I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be that bad.
Monday after the initial break I had an appointment with the orthopedist - at least they got me in quick. I still didn't have access to a vehicle, however, so had to rely on Lyft to get me to and from. I also needed to go pick up prescriptions - thankfully my first Lyft driver had the patience of a saint and was amazingly helpful. She got a tip bigger than her fare because of her amazing help and patience.
Well, now I was on my own. My house is a tiny 1940's mother-in-law unit above the detached garages of the main house. In other words, my entire living area is on the second floor. My washer and dryer and mail are all in the garage - downstairs. Having a tiny house has it's advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that there's almost always something solid within arms reach, meaning the chances of falling are smaller. It also means maneuvering with crutches is complicated since there's always something for them to catch on, run into, etc.
Thankfully I've got a pretty good pain tolerance, so I was able to manage. My stairs have solid railings, so while it requires a level of patience I haven't had to exercise until now, they are not that big of a deal. Crutches in one hand on one side, railing on the other. Another thankful is that I made fitness a priority earlier this year, so my upper body strength was pretty good, and I could muscle myself around pretty well.
Crutches, however, require patience I wouldn't have imagined. I'm not known for being the most patient person - once I make a decision, I like to act on it. NOW. Crutches don't really allow that. They are a "take one stair at a time and be sure you're set up for the next one before you proceed" kind of deal. I nearly took a few diggers just off of that. I'm learning, and getting better, but the first couple weeks were tough to accept that this was how things were going to be.
I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be that bad.
Monday after the initial break I had an appointment with the orthopedist - at least they got me in quick. I still didn't have access to a vehicle, however, so had to rely on Lyft to get me to and from. I also needed to go pick up prescriptions - thankfully my first Lyft driver had the patience of a saint and was amazingly helpful. She got a tip bigger than her fare because of her amazing help and patience.
End of a Season
The 2016 race season had wrapped up, I had just purchased my new race bike for the upcoming year, and I had some great plans for winter training so I could hit the ground running in the 2017 race season. A lot of people suggest training on dirt bikes to improve road racing skills.
"Ride dirt bikes" they said. "It'll be fun" they said. "It's a safer way to learn the skills" they said.
"They" can go fuck themselves.
There, I said it. Dirt bikes may be smaller, the speeds may be slower, but you can get hurt on them just like any other motorcycle, and I hear of a lot more broken bones on dirt bikes than track bikes.
I didn't make it through half of a day on a dirt bike.
The class I was in was designed for road racers to learn skills on traction control and feel, eyes, and other cross skills we need on the bigger bikes. The problem was, looking back on it, I had no experience on a dirt bike - at all. I was assured that wouldn't be a problem - it WAS a problem. Everyone else in the class had ridden dirt bikes, one guy claimed he didn't really "ride dirt" but he owns a dirt bike, so I know he's at least ridden them. I had never even so much as sat on one other than one time taking a TTR down the pits in a mostly straight line on pavement.
My lack of knowledge in a class full of people with prior dirt experience was a problem from the start. Here I was, the only girl, with no experience, holding up the entire group. Double whammy - slowest, AND I'm a girl. Friends and instructors kept giving me advice, and finally towards the end of the morning, I had a lightbulb go off. I realized this was more like riding a barrel racing horse (something I had taken lessons in years ago), and all of sudden things started to come together. My pace increased dramatically, as did my confidence. I was having to think about it, but I was getting it.
Problem being, I was still in a class of competitive (ie fellow racers) dudes, and they still saw me as the slow girl in the class. As I was coming into a corner, sliding a bit, but holding my bike up, one of said dudes tries to force a pass on the outside of me. That would have been fine before my lightbulb went off, but now, I was going a lot faster. He didn't account for reality, and instead rode with his assumptions that I was still the slow girl. As I'm sliding a bit, but holding it, he tries to force his pass, running into my outside and pushing against me. Not like he plowed me, but the combo of my bike, and now him and and his offering counter force caused me to crash. Somewhere in there, my leg took the brunt of all of these forces, and despite decent motocross boots, it broke.
I felt the distinct pop. At first I hoped it was just a dislocation. Turns out it was not. The owner of the property is an EMT, he got the boot off and a pillow cast on, and another friend hauled me off to the ER. Unfortunately, like many ERs, this one considers "bikers" to be stupid idiots who "keep them in business" (literally what one of the on site nurses said to as we were getting moved to the room). They x-rayed the leg, it was broke, but it wasn't deemed bad enough for immediate treatment, so they put on a soft cast and sent me home with some pain meds.
I spent the rest of the weekend at the dirt school, figuring I'd gain what information I could, plus, at least there would be other people around to help me if I really needed it - not something I would have at home.
"Ride dirt bikes" they said. "It'll be fun" they said. "It's a safer way to learn the skills" they said.
"They" can go fuck themselves.
There, I said it. Dirt bikes may be smaller, the speeds may be slower, but you can get hurt on them just like any other motorcycle, and I hear of a lot more broken bones on dirt bikes than track bikes.
I didn't make it through half of a day on a dirt bike.
The class I was in was designed for road racers to learn skills on traction control and feel, eyes, and other cross skills we need on the bigger bikes. The problem was, looking back on it, I had no experience on a dirt bike - at all. I was assured that wouldn't be a problem - it WAS a problem. Everyone else in the class had ridden dirt bikes, one guy claimed he didn't really "ride dirt" but he owns a dirt bike, so I know he's at least ridden them. I had never even so much as sat on one other than one time taking a TTR down the pits in a mostly straight line on pavement.
My lack of knowledge in a class full of people with prior dirt experience was a problem from the start. Here I was, the only girl, with no experience, holding up the entire group. Double whammy - slowest, AND I'm a girl. Friends and instructors kept giving me advice, and finally towards the end of the morning, I had a lightbulb go off. I realized this was more like riding a barrel racing horse (something I had taken lessons in years ago), and all of sudden things started to come together. My pace increased dramatically, as did my confidence. I was having to think about it, but I was getting it.
Problem being, I was still in a class of competitive (ie fellow racers) dudes, and they still saw me as the slow girl in the class. As I was coming into a corner, sliding a bit, but holding my bike up, one of said dudes tries to force a pass on the outside of me. That would have been fine before my lightbulb went off, but now, I was going a lot faster. He didn't account for reality, and instead rode with his assumptions that I was still the slow girl. As I'm sliding a bit, but holding it, he tries to force his pass, running into my outside and pushing against me. Not like he plowed me, but the combo of my bike, and now him and and his offering counter force caused me to crash. Somewhere in there, my leg took the brunt of all of these forces, and despite decent motocross boots, it broke.
I felt the distinct pop. At first I hoped it was just a dislocation. Turns out it was not. The owner of the property is an EMT, he got the boot off and a pillow cast on, and another friend hauled me off to the ER. Unfortunately, like many ERs, this one considers "bikers" to be stupid idiots who "keep them in business" (literally what one of the on site nurses said to as we were getting moved to the room). They x-rayed the leg, it was broke, but it wasn't deemed bad enough for immediate treatment, so they put on a soft cast and sent me home with some pain meds.
I spent the rest of the weekend at the dirt school, figuring I'd gain what information I could, plus, at least there would be other people around to help me if I really needed it - not something I would have at home.
Introduction and Back Story
I'm starting this blog partially out of frustration, and partially to share my experiences. There are a lot of blogs out there about people going through the process of dealing with a broken leg. While it doesn't seem that terrible at first, the reality is that it is a life-altering experience, even if it's "only" a portion of your life.
Part of why I'm sharing is that, unlike many of the other stories I read about, I'm having to deal with this alone. I live across the country from family, I don't have a boyfriend or significant other. I'm single, living in a second story, tiny little mother-in-law unit with no family or other people "obligated" to help me nearby.
Don't get me wrong, there are a number of friends who've gone above and beyond to help me through this, and I don't know what I would have done without their help. The issue with relying on friends is the simple fact that they are not 'obligated' to help you. While I've gotten help when I needed it most (like a ride to and from my surgeries), there are things you end up dealing with alone that aren't easy.
So, I'm sharing my tale here, partially to just vent, but also to help others who may be going through something similar.
For a bit of back story: I'm a 38 year old female, who road races motorcycles. That is my passion and driving force in my life. Of course I have a career and some side hustles, but racing is what pumps energy into my life and gives me that spirit that I've seen other jealous of. Most of the time, I'm pretty upbeat and driven - quiet and introverted, a realist, but I like to think we take control of what we can in life and we have more power over things than many seem to think they do.
I'm pretty good at doing things on my own, partially out of necessity, partially out of stubbornness. Thing is, when you're as single as I am right now, if you want to do the things you love, you need to be able to do it on your own (at least for the most part). This means I've learned to be pretty self sufficient. I was also raised that way, being the oldest child in a farm family, there wasn't room for sympathy for my plight, and I had to figure it out on my own. That's how I've lived my life. Enter now, however, the broken leg. Read on for that story....
Part of why I'm sharing is that, unlike many of the other stories I read about, I'm having to deal with this alone. I live across the country from family, I don't have a boyfriend or significant other. I'm single, living in a second story, tiny little mother-in-law unit with no family or other people "obligated" to help me nearby.
Don't get me wrong, there are a number of friends who've gone above and beyond to help me through this, and I don't know what I would have done without their help. The issue with relying on friends is the simple fact that they are not 'obligated' to help you. While I've gotten help when I needed it most (like a ride to and from my surgeries), there are things you end up dealing with alone that aren't easy.
So, I'm sharing my tale here, partially to just vent, but also to help others who may be going through something similar.
For a bit of back story: I'm a 38 year old female, who road races motorcycles. That is my passion and driving force in my life. Of course I have a career and some side hustles, but racing is what pumps energy into my life and gives me that spirit that I've seen other jealous of. Most of the time, I'm pretty upbeat and driven - quiet and introverted, a realist, but I like to think we take control of what we can in life and we have more power over things than many seem to think they do.
I'm pretty good at doing things on my own, partially out of necessity, partially out of stubbornness. Thing is, when you're as single as I am right now, if you want to do the things you love, you need to be able to do it on your own (at least for the most part). This means I've learned to be pretty self sufficient. I was also raised that way, being the oldest child in a farm family, there wasn't room for sympathy for my plight, and I had to figure it out on my own. That's how I've lived my life. Enter now, however, the broken leg. Read on for that story....
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