Some Days....

I don't think I'd be doing anyone reading a favor by acting like any of this is fun, or that I'm getting through my weeks with a smile. In fact, there are days it's beyond my power to not end up in tears over - well, nothing. Nothing more than the disheartening realization that a month and a half into things, and all you can say is that *hopefully* you're done with surgeries. At least for now. All of that being overshadowed by other things such as the simple fact that you still have a huge, weepy sore on the inside of your ankle that you are just *hoping* it doesn't get infected.

There are days all of it just gets to be too much. Days when you just can't deal with the fact that you can't even straighten your leg out with your foot flat on the ground - none the less think about actually *gasp* walking again. Days when the cool weather keeps the house chilled despite cranking up the heater and that chill is just that straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back. There are days when you will be tired and worn out and there's no good reason for it. You slept well, you didn't do much the day before, yet you're just beat and you have no idea why.

Usually I'm pretty good about listening to my body, but there are even days when that gets frustrating. Your body is telling you it's tired, but you know darn well it shouldn't be, there's shit that's got to get done, and you're at a war with getting stuff done and listening. But is your body only griping because it's getting lazy, or is it truly tired? There comes a point it gets really hard to tell. Do I want to keep things iced, elevated, and braced, or am I just avoiding the discomfort of letting things move and breath a bit?

Unfortunately, for some reason, today is proving to be one of 'those days' for me. There's not a good reason for it. Yes, I probably over did things a bit on Saturday, but I did basically nothing all day Sunday. I slept well last night, and got a good rest. But I was worn out this morning despite all of that. My usual shower routine took more out of me than it has in weeks, and I have no idea why. I'm sick of this sore looming over me - why the hell won't it just heal?!? I want to move my ankle a little, let it stretch a tiny little bit, but that stupid sore has me terrified of taking my boot off any more than I absolutely have to. Other than watching for obvious signs of infection, and to "keep it dry" I've basically not had any direction on caring for it - and this is not how I would normally treat a wound like that. I've had good results (and plenty of practice) treating other (fairly bad) skin wounds, but this thing is just being stubborn - but also isn't getting treated the way I would do it. But I don't want to cause other issues by NOT following the directions I was given....

Ugh. So, ya, some days pretty much suck.