It has been nearly 3 weeks since removing the hardware. The ID doc had me stop the oral antibiotics last Tuesday, which worked out well as I caught a stomach bug and wasn't keeping much down anyways that week.
All of the staples were removed, and things were looking pretty decent. There were a couple spots to keep an eye on, in particular a spot that looked like a bit of a blood blister, and one other spot that seemed to be struggling to heal 100% with swelling, but overall it looked good, so they were all removed.
It's been most of a week since then, and yesterday the scab that the blood blister was came off, and the skin underneath looked pretty good. The other little area seems to be healing fairly well as well, and made it through a long weekend at work without major incident.
I'm all signed up for the final round of the 2017 race season, and looking forward to getting back on a bike again after nearly a month off.
While I still have a "final" follow appointment next month with both my orthopedist and the ID doctor, it feels like this may finally be coming to a close. It will have been only a couple weeks shy of a full year from the day I broke my leg until my final doctor visits. I've learned a lot about a lot of things I didn't really want to know about, including pilon fractures, infections, osteomyelitis, IV antibiotics, PICC lines, multiple surgeries, external fixators, and the many things that go into all of those things including how to live alone with a broken leg.
It has been a long year. The good thing is, I've got pretty good use of my leg, and I'm able to start getting excited about the coming year and making plans on how I'm going to attack the next race season. The prospect is pretty exciting, and I'm glad to finally be excited about something with fewer "ifs" than I've had this entire year.
Monday, October 16, 2017
Friday, September 29, 2017
Small Hardware Store
So I headed in for surgery to remove the hardware on my leg this past Tuesday. I'm pretty sure I was the last scheduled surgery that day, and they were running behind. I didn't go in until after 7pm...so needless to say, it was a late night.
Things apparently went smoothly enough, however, and I was in recovery and thinking about leaving by 9:30pm, with a baggie full of hardware to take home. I was released with "weight bearing as tolerated" and a warning to be extremely cautious about a fall or hard hit due to the swiss cheese that would be my bones - but, according to the doc, "normal" activity wouldn't hurt it. No plans to be on a bike of any variety for a couple weeks, so no worries there, just being careful while navigating the world.
Now it's basically a wait and see if things heal up quickly and nicely or if the infection starts acting up again. Of course, I'm *hoping* it will clear up 100% now that the hardware is out. Obviously he didn't find more damage when he was in there, so it appears the antibiotics at least kept it suppressed - hopefully the slice n dice doesn't give it a chance to act up. Still on the oral antibiotics, and see the ID doc the day after my post-op follow up. I'm slightly stressed, but glad that hardware is out and looking forward to being able to move forward.
Since there wasn't a bunch of bone damage, I've got 3 weeks from now (3 1/2 from the surgery) to heal up before the next race round, so IF things go well, it looks like I just might be able to make the last race of the year.
Things apparently went smoothly enough, however, and I was in recovery and thinking about leaving by 9:30pm, with a baggie full of hardware to take home. I was released with "weight bearing as tolerated" and a warning to be extremely cautious about a fall or hard hit due to the swiss cheese that would be my bones - but, according to the doc, "normal" activity wouldn't hurt it. No plans to be on a bike of any variety for a couple weeks, so no worries there, just being careful while navigating the world.
Now it's basically a wait and see if things heal up quickly and nicely or if the infection starts acting up again. Of course, I'm *hoping* it will clear up 100% now that the hardware is out. Obviously he didn't find more damage when he was in there, so it appears the antibiotics at least kept it suppressed - hopefully the slice n dice doesn't give it a chance to act up. Still on the oral antibiotics, and see the ID doc the day after my post-op follow up. I'm slightly stressed, but glad that hardware is out and looking forward to being able to move forward.
Since there wasn't a bunch of bone damage, I've got 3 weeks from now (3 1/2 from the surgery) to heal up before the next race round, so IF things go well, it looks like I just might be able to make the last race of the year.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Almost "Hardware Out" Time
Yesterday I headed in for my pre-op appointment for my hardware removal surgery in two weeks. By this time in two week I may be celebrating - or crying my eyes out. No idea which way that'll swing right now. The appointment went fine, but I'm ready to have this stuff out of my leg and at least give myself a fighting chance at beating this infection. It's not like it's manifesting externally at all - no swelling, redness, tenderness, even the miscoloration seems more like "normal" coloring for this kind of fracture than infection related - although, that being said, I've convinced myself some of it is infection related, which has me itching to get it out NOW.
Besides all of that though, things have been going fairly well. I'm back to working out, walking a couple miles is no big deal, I can even do some small hopping and short hobble runs. The rebuilding of the leg is slow, and my tendons and such are still needing to re-stretch out, but overall progress is progress even if it's not as fast as I'd like (but I also know it's actually not too bad, technically speaking). Honestly, if I didn't KNOW there was an infection in there, and I wasn't taking a pill twice a day because of it, I'd be pretty happy with where things are at.
I've "met" a few people online who've had a pilon fracture that got infected - while I don't wish this on anyone, it's been nice to hear I'm not alone. These fractures are so rare to begin with, none the less when you add in the infection! None of them have lost their leg yet, and most still have hardware in there, so I'm crossing my fingers that this set back won't go the worst possible direction - still not counting on that, but sure am hoping for it.
Today is the second time I've worn my kitten heel shoes to work. Takes a little concentration, especially at first to not walk like a hobbled calf, but it's progress, and nice to feel like I at least "look" like a normal person (as long as no one looks too close at my scars).
Riding the leg is mixed, it definitely causes me problems on right hand corners, BUT, more time, rehab, strengthening, stretching, etc will help with the issues I'm experiencing.
Besides all of that though, things have been going fairly well. I'm back to working out, walking a couple miles is no big deal, I can even do some small hopping and short hobble runs. The rebuilding of the leg is slow, and my tendons and such are still needing to re-stretch out, but overall progress is progress even if it's not as fast as I'd like (but I also know it's actually not too bad, technically speaking). Honestly, if I didn't KNOW there was an infection in there, and I wasn't taking a pill twice a day because of it, I'd be pretty happy with where things are at.
I've "met" a few people online who've had a pilon fracture that got infected - while I don't wish this on anyone, it's been nice to hear I'm not alone. These fractures are so rare to begin with, none the less when you add in the infection! None of them have lost their leg yet, and most still have hardware in there, so I'm crossing my fingers that this set back won't go the worst possible direction - still not counting on that, but sure am hoping for it.
Today is the second time I've worn my kitten heel shoes to work. Takes a little concentration, especially at first to not walk like a hobbled calf, but it's progress, and nice to feel like I at least "look" like a normal person (as long as no one looks too close at my scars).
Riding the leg is mixed, it definitely causes me problems on right hand corners, BUT, more time, rehab, strengthening, stretching, etc will help with the issues I'm experiencing.
Tuesday, August 1, 2017
Adding Activity Back
Part of me couldn't wait to get more active again. The other part of me was scared of it. Heck, there are still things I used to never give a thought to that I now find terrifying (like the idea of jumping - at all, in any way shape or form). Interesting how you just stop trusting your body so easily.
So, I picked some things I knew I could do. This past week I took my roommate's bicycle out for some paved trail rides. They were great workouts, and I was invigorated by just being outside and moving again. Breathing hard, and the hills sucked, but afterwards I felt amazing (even if I was cursing the long uphills during the ride and wondering how anyone found it "fun"). Tonight I'm scheduled to meet a friend/coworker to work out at his cross-fit gym. Sounds like it's a group-class, but "at your own pace" kind of thing. We shall see how that goes. With my inability to jump, hop, run, or jog it may be interesting to see just how limited I'm going to be. Granted, there are modifications I can work on - like a side to side (very) gentle hop I can do....stuff like that. Most things have to be modified - I can't do a normal squat or lunge, either, but those are still good exercises for me to do, so modify away I guess I will.
I'll admit I'm a bit worried about being frustrated by what I can't do...I know it's all self paced, but historically I've been one of the top women in most physical training groups I've been in. To be on the opposite end of the spectrum - well, I'm hoping it doesn't kill my motivation too much. Or make me push more than I should.
On the flip side, I know more activity is good for the leg. Everything points to the idea that it has turned a corner and is responding to more activity instead of more rest. But this is new territory for me - I've never been this hindered by an injury. I don't think the long term hindrance (other than what I would normally expect) will be that horrible (assuming, of course, the infection doesn't continue to be an issue). Speaking of infections, that's the other reason I see more motion a good thing. Keep that blood flowing, get that ankle moving and encourage blood flow in that area. Stress the bone so it is in healing mode and gets more blood/nutrients than it otherwise might - and *hopefully* that will help kick this damn thing in the proverbial ass.
Of course, it may not. Things may still very much not go my way. And that little cloud just keeps on hanging around - partially because I'm so terrified of hearing bad news that I don't want to be ripped about by it if it comes to that. I'd rather be prepared for a worst case scenario - and in the meantime, I've at least drummed up some more motivation to fight a little harder for a better case scenario.
So, I picked some things I knew I could do. This past week I took my roommate's bicycle out for some paved trail rides. They were great workouts, and I was invigorated by just being outside and moving again. Breathing hard, and the hills sucked, but afterwards I felt amazing (even if I was cursing the long uphills during the ride and wondering how anyone found it "fun"). Tonight I'm scheduled to meet a friend/coworker to work out at his cross-fit gym. Sounds like it's a group-class, but "at your own pace" kind of thing. We shall see how that goes. With my inability to jump, hop, run, or jog it may be interesting to see just how limited I'm going to be. Granted, there are modifications I can work on - like a side to side (very) gentle hop I can do....stuff like that. Most things have to be modified - I can't do a normal squat or lunge, either, but those are still good exercises for me to do, so modify away I guess I will.
I'll admit I'm a bit worried about being frustrated by what I can't do...I know it's all self paced, but historically I've been one of the top women in most physical training groups I've been in. To be on the opposite end of the spectrum - well, I'm hoping it doesn't kill my motivation too much. Or make me push more than I should.
On the flip side, I know more activity is good for the leg. Everything points to the idea that it has turned a corner and is responding to more activity instead of more rest. But this is new territory for me - I've never been this hindered by an injury. I don't think the long term hindrance (other than what I would normally expect) will be that horrible (assuming, of course, the infection doesn't continue to be an issue). Speaking of infections, that's the other reason I see more motion a good thing. Keep that blood flowing, get that ankle moving and encourage blood flow in that area. Stress the bone so it is in healing mode and gets more blood/nutrients than it otherwise might - and *hopefully* that will help kick this damn thing in the proverbial ass.
Of course, it may not. Things may still very much not go my way. And that little cloud just keeps on hanging around - partially because I'm so terrified of hearing bad news that I don't want to be ripped about by it if it comes to that. I'd rather be prepared for a worst case scenario - and in the meantime, I've at least drummed up some more motivation to fight a little harder for a better case scenario.
Friday, July 21, 2017
Infections and Pilons
I met with my orthopedist earlier this week and got the updated x-rays done. Basically, it boiled down to this: since the antibiotics are keeping the infection suppressed, and the x-rays look good, we can schedule the hardware removal around my schedule, no rush. If the x-rays looked like the infection was affecting the bone or healing at all, then that would be another matter. But, it doesn't appear that was the case, so I scheduled hardware removal for late September.
One of my main questions to him was how long I'd be looking at being laid up - his answer was a couple weeks, and that's mostly for the incision. He didn't seem too worried about the swiss cheese my leg would end up as, apparently fairly confident in my ability to heal that up in that timeframe.
So, I picked a date that worked with my jobs and race schedule, giving me 3 1/2 weeks to heal after surgery between a couple race rounds. Won't even miss a trackday if all goes with the current plan.
Obviously, I still have to very aware of infection possibles, and there's still a chance I won't kick it after the hardware is out. Or, it can resurface even 20+ years from now for no apparent reason. It's a concern the rest of my life. Guess if I didn't consider my long term health a concern before, this is a damn good reason to consider that now (I've always believed in living a healthier lifestyle, this just gives an even stronger reason).
For now I'm going to start working on getting my fitness back. Pretty sure I could handle an elliptical at this point, and I should head out hiking. I'm starting to settle into my "new" routine since I moved, and am hoping adding some more activity back will help not only with the physical rehab, but the mental as well.
My body will never be what it was...but, hopefully, I can find my new normal, accept it, and hit my goals still, even if not on the timeframe I'm still fighting for.
One of my main questions to him was how long I'd be looking at being laid up - his answer was a couple weeks, and that's mostly for the incision. He didn't seem too worried about the swiss cheese my leg would end up as, apparently fairly confident in my ability to heal that up in that timeframe.
So, I picked a date that worked with my jobs and race schedule, giving me 3 1/2 weeks to heal after surgery between a couple race rounds. Won't even miss a trackday if all goes with the current plan.
Obviously, I still have to very aware of infection possibles, and there's still a chance I won't kick it after the hardware is out. Or, it can resurface even 20+ years from now for no apparent reason. It's a concern the rest of my life. Guess if I didn't consider my long term health a concern before, this is a damn good reason to consider that now (I've always believed in living a healthier lifestyle, this just gives an even stronger reason).
For now I'm going to start working on getting my fitness back. Pretty sure I could handle an elliptical at this point, and I should head out hiking. I'm starting to settle into my "new" routine since I moved, and am hoping adding some more activity back will help not only with the physical rehab, but the mental as well.
My body will never be what it was...but, hopefully, I can find my new normal, accept it, and hit my goals still, even if not on the timeframe I'm still fighting for.
Monday, July 10, 2017
Return from Italy
On June 26th I had my first (hoping last, but that's yet to be determined) PICC line removed. That was a completely painless process, in fact (since I wasn't looking) I had no idea she had even removed it until she said she was done. No complications with the PICC this time around, so that was good.
I had my oral antibiotics in hand and was ready to head off to my Italy adventures, albeit a bit apprehensive about how well my leg would hold up.
Thankfully, the leg held up better than I expected. We did a LOT of walking around, a fair bit of hiking on uneven trails (which I discovered was GREAT for the leg) and overall it was a great trip. Towards the end of the week the leg was getting a little crankier, but by the time we got home after a couple easier days it was back to where it was most of the trip. Less pain and stiffness than I had been experiencing, with a significant increase in activity. Apparently my body was ready to be pushed a little harder, but until the trip, it's responses hadn't really supported that, so I hadn't done so.
Now that I'm back home, I've had to hit the ground running with a few crazy weeks following the trip. Fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of this is centered around riding and racing, which, right now, is a very mixed bag for me.
You see, I'm REALLY struggling with my riding and where I think I should be, where my sponsors think I should be, where my logic-brain says I should be, and where I actually am. The differences are pretty extreme, but it boils down to a simple fact of I'm bordering on being chronically cranky and downright depressed. Part of me knows I'll get to where I want to go, but most of me is struggling with the time involved.
First off, I'm mad about the set back in general. Even if I pull a miracle out of myself, there's been a big set back that I simply can't completely make up for no matter how hard I try. And I'm PISSED. Unspoken pressure from sponsors, friends, and competitors doesn't help me accept this. They've hung with me, but I can feel my status rapidly slipping into "red-headed stepchild" category, and too easily followed with a "buh-bye."
Add in my expectations for myself. Part of me is happy with the progress I've made, and my logic mind sits there and tells me I'm doing great. My racer-brain, however, simply cannot accept that I'm on a far superior machine and not even matching the times I was doing on my previous bike. My goals are not unreachable even now, but the delay in progress has me hating myself but refusing to quit all at the same time. I celebrate the small victories, while at the same time loathing what my leg has become. This dichotomy has my emotions on a roller coaster, and has me on the edge of tears day in and day out, usually never making it through without at least a moment of moist eyeballs.
The crazy busy schedule offers a mixed bag to the mix too - on the one hand, it keeps me busy and I don't get a ton of time to pout or bitch. On the other hand, I don't have time to just rest and relax and process things or gain perspective...just the opposite in fact, where it's constantly being thrown in my face what I cannot do instead of what I can.
Someone on one of my forums talked about comparing herself to the old self instead of comparing against who she is now. I realized that's a huge part of what I'm doing, but I find it nearly impossible NOT to do that, even though I know I shouldn't. It's really a struggle right now, especially when sponsors and such all compare you to where you were planning on going this year, not the present reality that is quite the diversion from the plan.
Then I have that nice little storm cloud that follows me around no matter how hard I shove it away - and that's the little storm cloud that says there's still a good chance I may not get through my life with my leg attached. That is a pill I do NOT want to swallow, but realized I must, and while I try to choke it down, trying to get other people to understand that no, things might NOT be okay, is really hard to do. I'm certainly going to do all I can to keep that from happening, but the reality is that it can happen, and too many people just have no clue what it's like to be in that position. Hell, I never would have, either. So, in the meantime, I just make sure I take my pills every single time and never miss a dose, and do everything I can to keep the leg active and blood flowing there, and pray to the universe that I have a better case scenario than a worst case scenario.
And through all of this trying to learn to accept the reality of the new me. Working on releasing some anger, but struggling with that, too.
I had my oral antibiotics in hand and was ready to head off to my Italy adventures, albeit a bit apprehensive about how well my leg would hold up.
Thankfully, the leg held up better than I expected. We did a LOT of walking around, a fair bit of hiking on uneven trails (which I discovered was GREAT for the leg) and overall it was a great trip. Towards the end of the week the leg was getting a little crankier, but by the time we got home after a couple easier days it was back to where it was most of the trip. Less pain and stiffness than I had been experiencing, with a significant increase in activity. Apparently my body was ready to be pushed a little harder, but until the trip, it's responses hadn't really supported that, so I hadn't done so.
Now that I'm back home, I've had to hit the ground running with a few crazy weeks following the trip. Fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of this is centered around riding and racing, which, right now, is a very mixed bag for me.
You see, I'm REALLY struggling with my riding and where I think I should be, where my sponsors think I should be, where my logic-brain says I should be, and where I actually am. The differences are pretty extreme, but it boils down to a simple fact of I'm bordering on being chronically cranky and downright depressed. Part of me knows I'll get to where I want to go, but most of me is struggling with the time involved.
First off, I'm mad about the set back in general. Even if I pull a miracle out of myself, there's been a big set back that I simply can't completely make up for no matter how hard I try. And I'm PISSED. Unspoken pressure from sponsors, friends, and competitors doesn't help me accept this. They've hung with me, but I can feel my status rapidly slipping into "red-headed stepchild" category, and too easily followed with a "buh-bye."
Add in my expectations for myself. Part of me is happy with the progress I've made, and my logic mind sits there and tells me I'm doing great. My racer-brain, however, simply cannot accept that I'm on a far superior machine and not even matching the times I was doing on my previous bike. My goals are not unreachable even now, but the delay in progress has me hating myself but refusing to quit all at the same time. I celebrate the small victories, while at the same time loathing what my leg has become. This dichotomy has my emotions on a roller coaster, and has me on the edge of tears day in and day out, usually never making it through without at least a moment of moist eyeballs.
The crazy busy schedule offers a mixed bag to the mix too - on the one hand, it keeps me busy and I don't get a ton of time to pout or bitch. On the other hand, I don't have time to just rest and relax and process things or gain perspective...just the opposite in fact, where it's constantly being thrown in my face what I cannot do instead of what I can.
Someone on one of my forums talked about comparing herself to the old self instead of comparing against who she is now. I realized that's a huge part of what I'm doing, but I find it nearly impossible NOT to do that, even though I know I shouldn't. It's really a struggle right now, especially when sponsors and such all compare you to where you were planning on going this year, not the present reality that is quite the diversion from the plan.
Then I have that nice little storm cloud that follows me around no matter how hard I shove it away - and that's the little storm cloud that says there's still a good chance I may not get through my life with my leg attached. That is a pill I do NOT want to swallow, but realized I must, and while I try to choke it down, trying to get other people to understand that no, things might NOT be okay, is really hard to do. I'm certainly going to do all I can to keep that from happening, but the reality is that it can happen, and too many people just have no clue what it's like to be in that position. Hell, I never would have, either. So, in the meantime, I just make sure I take my pills every single time and never miss a dose, and do everything I can to keep the leg active and blood flowing there, and pray to the universe that I have a better case scenario than a worst case scenario.
And through all of this trying to learn to accept the reality of the new me. Working on releasing some anger, but struggling with that, too.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Stress and Broken Legs Don't Mix
I have been on an emotional rollar coaster the past couple months. Between all the drama with the leg, the constant treatment needed for that, making it to appointments, stress from my job(s) (ironically it's more my part-time job stressing me out than my full time job), having to go through the process of looking at a house, finding the money to make the deposits and extra month of rent, to arranging movers, packing up my entire life, moving itself, then finishing up the move - all of this with not a single day off, OH, and ya, that dream trip to Italy I've been planning for the past year - ya, we leave on Monday. I won't be finished moving until Sunday morning.
All of this has me in varying states of emotions that I'm really struggling to contain sometimes. Some things make me very happy - my new commute is great, I like my little place (it's a bit small, but live-with-able), my roomies seem pretty cool, I'm riding and racing and I'm heading off on a dream trip. Some things have me wanting to scream - I really wanted ONE day off to work on the moving stuff, but that couldn't happen; I couldn't afford to have the movers take all the little stuff, so I've been back and forth to finish that all up, plus all the cleaning; moving in general is stressful enough; finances have me scraping and groveling; and let's not even get going on the leg saga.
I try to "pretend" that the leg stuff is minor, and that I'll heal and be fine, but that's not necessarily reality, and I'm a realist. Reality is that I still have, at a minimum, one more surgery yet this year (potentially more if the infection has spread), I may still very well lose my leg someday (which sometimes makes all the PT and dealing with recovery stuff feel like "is it worth it?"), and I'm still dealing with all of this very, very much alone.
Add in little things like, as I increase my activity, I pay for it dearly with every. single. step being a reminder that I will never be normal again. Medical bills piling up on my desk with no way to pay them, can't even really afford another payment plan. Worried about work and living after my next surgery and how long that's going to have me laid up. Wondering how the hell I'm going to get around during that time when I only have my (manual) truck to drive (I do have my scooter which I could probably make work around town/to get to BART).
There's a lot of things I'm hoping for, but if there's one thing this entire situation has taught me is that "hope" is about the worst thing you can do. You're best off understanding reality, knowing that you're NOT special, you ARE just a statistic, and understand you have as much chance of being in that 2% group as you do of being in the 98% group...and don't believe for one second that you are in that 98% until you KNOW you are. Because if you draw the short straw and are in that 2%, you will be devastated. Best to have a happier outcome than you planned on than the other way around.
Here's how long it's been:
All of this has me in varying states of emotions that I'm really struggling to contain sometimes. Some things make me very happy - my new commute is great, I like my little place (it's a bit small, but live-with-able), my roomies seem pretty cool, I'm riding and racing and I'm heading off on a dream trip. Some things have me wanting to scream - I really wanted ONE day off to work on the moving stuff, but that couldn't happen; I couldn't afford to have the movers take all the little stuff, so I've been back and forth to finish that all up, plus all the cleaning; moving in general is stressful enough; finances have me scraping and groveling; and let's not even get going on the leg saga.
I try to "pretend" that the leg stuff is minor, and that I'll heal and be fine, but that's not necessarily reality, and I'm a realist. Reality is that I still have, at a minimum, one more surgery yet this year (potentially more if the infection has spread), I may still very well lose my leg someday (which sometimes makes all the PT and dealing with recovery stuff feel like "is it worth it?"), and I'm still dealing with all of this very, very much alone.
Add in little things like, as I increase my activity, I pay for it dearly with every. single. step being a reminder that I will never be normal again. Medical bills piling up on my desk with no way to pay them, can't even really afford another payment plan. Worried about work and living after my next surgery and how long that's going to have me laid up. Wondering how the hell I'm going to get around during that time when I only have my (manual) truck to drive (I do have my scooter which I could probably make work around town/to get to BART).
There's a lot of things I'm hoping for, but if there's one thing this entire situation has taught me is that "hope" is about the worst thing you can do. You're best off understanding reality, knowing that you're NOT special, you ARE just a statistic, and understand you have as much chance of being in that 2% group as you do of being in the 98% group...and don't believe for one second that you are in that 98% until you KNOW you are. Because if you draw the short straw and are in that 2%, you will be devastated. Best to have a happier outcome than you planned on than the other way around.
Here's how long it's been:
- 17,452,800 seconds
- 290,880 minutes
- 4848 hours
- 202 days
- 28 weeks and 6 days
- 55.34% of a common year (365 days)
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